Sunday, September 1, 2013

Of Course I Don't Know What I'm Doing

Ever since my daughter died last November I have alternated between periods of intense pain and desperate distraction. It has taken me this long to even say or write the word "died." It sounds too final and real. I don't really know how to go on.

So of course I don't know what I'm doing.

If you've read my long and meandering blog post from July you know that I want to write about Caety. I still feel like part of my purpose is to finish the book I started writing the day she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at three months old. And I want to share her writing with the world as well.

But I can't bring myself to enter that dark space.

So I distract myself with TV shows new and old, and write about other things, occasionally slipping in a word or two about my much-missed daughter because sometimes it just leaks out.

Most recently, a piece that started out innocently enough - Friday Favorites: What Movies Do You Love And Why? - quickly turned into a mini memorial. I should've seen it coming. Luckily, the tagline of the site I'm writing on lately is Speak Freely. Write Your World. That works for me.

So, since I am distracting myself with writing on this new addictive platform, I thought I'd share some of my latest work with readers of my blog (all eight of you).

Those of you who are writers or fans of earning money at home might be interested in these essays about my new adventure as a Bubbler (yes, you read that right):

Learning My Audience On Bubblews (And Other Thoughts About Writing)

It Takes Me Forever To Write A Bubblews Post

Sunday Share: Two Pin-Worthy Pages

I've also written several articles about relationships. Here are some of my favorites:

The Get A Good Relationship List

Relationship Ready And Receiving The Gifts Of The Wait

Do Women Really Have Too Much Masculine Energy Or Is It Something Else?

The complete list of all my Bubblews posts so far can be found here. If you're interested in writing for Bubblews, too, and want to help me earn twenty whole cents, you can use my referral link.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate it more than you know.  

Photo by Ryan Myer. All rights reserved. 


  1. Melanie
    My whole life now is an admission that I don't know what I am doing. On a very surface level, this is surprising. However, as you climb more deeply into or up into awareness,(light) it comes as no surprise that most of the moments of our life are unconscious (darkness)..driven by forces and motivations we cannot see or understand. That dark space is frightening but it is our own fear..the fear is not part of the place. You know this. the timing is not relevant. You will write the book when you are ready.

    1. Doug, thank you so much for your wise and compassionate words.

  2. So sorry for what you've had to endure. I know I don't really know you, but for what it's worth, you inspire me on a daily basis. I see you as a beautiful, delicate combination of tough and sensitive.

    1. Aw, Lindsay, thank you! Your words do my heart good. <3